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I have never, not once, attempted to deny my total lack of reverence for organized religion.  To put a fine point on it, I equate organized religion with viral infection.  That’s not to say I disrespect anyone’s personal religious views.  Believe what you want, just don’t try to preach at me.

But, I’m veering off topic.

My FlashBack this week is to October 2006 when I was 8 months pregnant.  I knew exactly what my costume was going to be.  I had known since early March.  (Have I ever mentioned that Halloween is my favorite holiday?) In early October I started persuading CableDad to play my silly games with me.

You see, we were going to a Halloween party at which I knew a particular person would be.  This particular person has been trying to “save” me for years.  I thought it was about time to put an end to that.

So, may I present you with the nun and her beau:

And for dramatic effect:

The following post is part two in the ongoing Terrible Tuesday series inspired by Jill at Caffeine Court and made into a blog carnival by Lunanik at Secrets of a Black Heart.

I have a nasty temper.  I won’t even try to deny that one.  Over the course of my life I have punched through innumerable walls, doors and windows. I’ve thrown chairs at people.   I’ve ripped doors clear off their hinges.  I’ve been kicked out of more pubs for brawling than I can count.  I even once attacked my brother with a knife. Ok that particular incident was drug induced, but I can’t excuse the behavior any because of it.

Of all of the Seven Deadly Sins, Wrath is the one for which I am most guilty.

Anyone who knows me knows I have a temper.  However, anyone who knows me also knows that my temper has a long fuse.  It is not easy to anger me.  In fact, you might say it actually takes a lot of work.  But seriously, don’t make me angry.  You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

My temper is a problem that I have been working on fixing for the past year and a half, ever since the arrival of my daughter.  It’s not that I have any fear of physically taking my anger out on her.  I KNOW I’d never hurt her.  However, comments I’ve made like “I now know why some mammals eat their young” make me painfully aware how thin the line between parental frustration and full blown anger can be.  There were many many occasions when MJ was brand new to this world when I would reach my breaking point.  Lack of sleep and endless days of a baby crying for god knows what reason kept me on edge.  After a week or two of CableDad working late and a newborn that would never sleep I’d flip out.  I’d have to put her in her crib close the door, walk out of the room, walk out of the house, go into the back yard, scream and punch or kick at trees.  The door the the spare bedroom in the house has a huge gaping hole in it from the time I didn’t quite make it outside first.

What worries me most about my temper is how I might take it out on her in a verbal way.  My guilty secret? I’ve shouted at her more than once in her short little life.  Does it make me feel good?  No.  I feel like absolute shit when I do it, made even worse by the fact that she now covers her face if I raise my voice in the slightest.  She’s not even two and I’ve already taught her to be scared of Mamma’s temper.  Not good.

(Of course the face covering thing is also a manifestation of her inner Drama Queen.  She learned it from Grover in one of her books.  Grover covers his face at the end when he says he’s embarrassed.  MJ does the same.  So perhaps she’s not scared of Mamma but rather embarrassed for having been caught doing something she shouldn’t have been…. but that’s a separate issue.)

I know my triggers.  I know what will piss me off and I try to warn people… those closest to me already know.  However, CableDad, being a male and, well, as thick headed and obnoxious as I am, loves to push my buttons so, sadly, he ends up getting the explosive end of my temper with some frequency.

Things that cause my time bomb to go off:

• Intentional stupidity.  I stress intentional here because I have no issue with people who don’t have the capacity to understand.  The ones that drive me nuts are those who know better and pretend they don’t.
• Forced repetition.  Nothing gets me going faster than making me unnecessarily repeat myself… over… and over… and over (CableDad’s favorite button).  Forced repetition is an inevitable side effect of dealing with intentional stupidity, so these two go hand in hand.
• People who can’t listen to or understand reason.  I love a good debate.  In fact, I’ve been known to frequently debate issues from the side opposed to my own beliefs… just for the fun of it.  What I can’t stand is people who refuse to see beyond their own myopic interpretations.  True knowledge is knowing that there is always more than one side to any argument.  My motto: If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

I do recognize my anger issues.  I work hard to keep the raging beast inside well in check.  That’s part of the reason I got into martial arts.

I realize that to some that might sound like a contradiction.  It’s not.  Martial arts is not only about fighting.  It’s about discipline.  It’s about knowing how and when to commit.  It’s about not allowing emotion to override reason.  It’s about thinking clearly and calmly and not allowing outside forces to cloud your judgment.

I know my weaknesses and although I have not conquered them, at least I am trying.

I mentioned on Friday post that when I was living in Dublin a friend of mine introduced me to a band called Yo La Tengo. I also promised a Music Monday post about them. Ta da!

Although not nearly as popular as they deserve, Yo La Tengo has been around for a good twenty years. They’ve always had a large and devoted fan base but have just never found their way into the mainstream limelight… which, in all honesty, may actually be a blessing for them. 15 albums in the last 24 years, they’ve experimented quite a bit but they’ve never sold out to the trendy, not bad eh?

Without a doubt they are the best thing to ever come out of Hoboken New Jersey (no offense to you Jersey-ites… or whatever you call yourselves).

The story behind the band’s name is quite an amusing one. As the tale goes (quoted from Wikipedia, and confirmed by James at the Dublin show I attended):

During the 1962 season, New York Mets center fielder Richie Ashburn and Venezuelan shortstop Elio Chacón found themselves colliding in the outfield. When Ashburn went for a catch, he would scream, “I got it! I got it!” only to run into the 160-pound Chacón, who spoke only Spanish.

Ashburn learned to yell, “¡Yo la tengo! ¡Yo la tengo!” which is “I got it” in Spanish. In a later game, Ashburn happily saw Chacón backing off. He relaxed, positioned himself to catch the ball, and was instead run over by 200-pound left fielder Frank Thomas, who understood no Spanish and/or had missed a team meeting that proposed using the words “¡Yo la tengo! as a way to avoid outfield collisions. ^[1]

After getting up, Thomas asked Ashburn, “What the heck is a Yellow Tango?”.^[2]

I’ve chosen the clip below primarily because I think it gives you a good feel for the atmosphere and presence of a Yo La Tengo show.  Although the band has been around for more than 2 decades and has achieved critical acclaim, they’ve not let it go to their heads.  Going to a Yo La Tengo show is very much like sitting in someone’s living room listening to your friends play.  The second reason I chose this clip is that in the beginning moments Ira discusses the band’s name… not an explanation of the meaning, but rather the reason and repercussions.  Thirdly, I love this song, but to the best of my knowledge no proper video of this song has been produced.

If per chance you prefer to skip right to the music, the song begins just before the 4th minute.

Check out Soccer Mom in Denial for more Music Monday posts.

Here is a card from my favorite eCard website, someecards.com.  If you don’t know it, you really should check it out… but only if you have a good sense of humor.